Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
