....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
