i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
