She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
zippers are such a cool invention
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
