Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
