he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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