Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
