My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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