We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize