I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
