Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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