Cold hands, warm shart.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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