you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
