I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize