I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
