you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
