3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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