Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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