The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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