my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
