As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
