i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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