is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
