**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish there were birth control emojis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
