Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
