I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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