Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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