she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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