Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
