so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
