My nipple is on Facebook.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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