How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
