once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
