It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
