My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
