dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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