the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
