I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
