he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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