Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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