I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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