The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize