Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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