If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
