We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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