Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
