the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
