Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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