It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
