No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
