Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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