i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize