Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
