Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think my fart just growled at me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Send help, water and tortillas.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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