They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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