i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
