Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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