lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize