DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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