We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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