Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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